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SPAM Filter:
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you are quoting a heck of a lot there.
[QUOTE]blah blah blah[/QUOTE] to reply to HeavensJail_nli.
Please remove excess text as not to re-post tons
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[QUOTE="HeavensJail_nli:950165"] An eccentric English Metalhead [John Cleese] walks up to Henry Orgone [Michael Palin]'s ticket window at the Palladium, past the homeless bouzouki player [Rich Bova]. Metalhead: Good Morning. Orgone: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the Worcester Palladium! Metalhead: Ah, thank you, my good man. Orgone: What can I do for you, Sir? Metalhead: Well, I was, uh, sitting in Irish Times across the way just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole and having a few pints, and I suddenly came over all lamed out. Orgone: Lamed out, sir? Metalhead: Ennuient. Orgone: Eh? Metalhead: 'Ee, Ah wor bored-loike! Orgone: Ah, bored! Metalhead: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little of the old thrash and slam will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the attendance of some vituperative riffage! Orgone: Come again? Metalhead: I want to see some death metal. Orgone: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player! Metalhead: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in ALL manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse! Orgone: Sorry? Metalhead: A BOUZOUKI IS FINE TOO! Orgone: So he can go on playing, can he? Metalhead: Most certainly! Now then, a ticket please, my good man. Orgone: (lustily) Certainly, sir. Who are you interested to see? Metalhead: Well, eh, how about Suffocation. Orgone: I'm, a-fraid Suffocation's not playing, sir. Metalhead: Oh, never mind, how about Dying Fetus? Orgone: I'm afraid they're not playing either, sir. Metalhead: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, Decrepit Birth, if they're not done yet. Orgone: Ah! They're on the second half of the tour, sir, the next two weeks. Not today. Metalhead: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Origin? Orgone: Sorry, sir. Metalhead: Beneath The Massacre? Orgone: Normally, sir, yes. Today their van broke down. Metalhead: Ah. Born of Osiris? Orgone: Sorry. Metalhead: After The Burial? Ensiferum? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Any Norweigan black metal, per chance. Orgone: No, none at all. Metalhead: Blackguard? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Darkest Hour? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Hivesmasher? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Dismantle the Cyborg? Orgone: No. Metalhead: What Lies Beneath The Tide? Orgone: (pause) No. Metalhead: Mordisk? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Dysentery? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Axiom, Blessed Offal, Summoning Hate, Goreality, Macerated, Mortal Decay, Sapremia, Sexcrement, Bone Ritual? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Winds of Plague, perhaps? Orgone: Ah! We have Winds of Plague playing, yessir. Metalhead: (surprised) You do! Excellent. Orgone: Yessir. They're..ah,.....they're a bit crappy... Metalhead: Oh, I'll take it crappy. Orgone: Well,.. they're very crappy, actually, sir. Metalhead: No matter. Fetch hither the deathcore de la Weeaboo! Mmmwah! Orgone: I...think they're a bit crappier than you'll like, sir. Metalhead: I don't care how fucking crappy it is. Proffer the death metal with all speed. Orgone: Oooooooooohhh........! Metalhead: What now? Orgone: They've broken up and cancelled. Metalhead: (pause) Have they. Orgone: Yes, sir. (pause) Metalhead: Sinister? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Skinless? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Immolation? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Austrian Death Machine? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Coffins? Orgone: No, sir. Metalhead: You...do *have* some death metal, don't you? Orgone: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's the Summer Slaughter tour, sir. We've got-- Metalhead: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess. Orgone: Fair enough. Metalhead: Uuuuuh, Orgone. Orgone: Yes? Metalhead: Ah, well then! When do they go on! Orgone: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Henry Orgone, that's my name. (pause) Metalhead: Abigail Williams? Orgone: Uh, not as such. Metalhead: Uuh, Goatwhore? Orgone: no Metalhead: Abysmal Dawn, Orgone: no Metalhead: SWWAATS, Orgone: no Metalhead: Hirudinea, Orgone: no Metalhead: Daath, Orgone: no Metalhead: Parasitic Extirpation, Orgone: no Metalhead: Embalmer? Orgone: Not *today*, sir, no. (pause) Metalhead: Aah, how about Warbringer? Orgone: Well, we don't get much call for them around here, sir. Metalhead: Not much ca--They only get booked onto on every sodding metal tour in the world! Orgone: Not 'round here, sir. Metalhead: {pause}and what IS the most popular death metal band 'round hyah? Orgone: Gorefest, sir. Metalhead: ARE they. Orgone: Oh, yes, they're staggeringly popular in this manor, squire. Metalhead: Are they. Orgone: They're our number one best draw, sir! Metalhead: I see. Uuh...Gorefest, eh? Orgone: Right, sir. Metalhead: All right. Okay. 'Are they playing?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'. Orgone: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. Metalhead: It's not much of a death metal tour, is it? Orgone: Finest in the States! Metalhead: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please. Orgone: Well, it sticks straight to the schedule, sir! Metalhead: It's certainly uncontaminated by bands playing too long and mucking things up.... Orgone: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Necrophagist, sir. Metalhead: Would it be worth it? Orgone: Could be.... Metalhead: Are --SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI OFF! Orgone: Told you sir.... Metalhead: (slowly) Are Necrophagist playing? Orgone: No. Metalhead: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me Orgone: Yessir? Metalhead: Are there any bands playing on this tour at all. Orgone: Yes, sir. Metalhead: Really? (pause) Orgone: No. Not really, sir. Metalhead: There aren't. Orgone: Nosir. Not a one. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir. Metalhead: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you. Orgone: Right-0, sir. The metalhead takes out a gun and shoots the ticket taker. Metalhead: What a *senseless* waste of human life. [/QUOTE]
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