favorite new site to abuse @ work[views:20938][posts:119]_________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:31pm - oscarct ""] http://www.textsfromlastnight.com |
| ______________________________ [May 12,2009 3:33pm - Yeti ""] hahahaha that's so weird you posted that, i was just reading the most recent ones. |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:38pm - oscarct ""] shit is amazing. |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:39pm - RustyPS ""] "(203): I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard. (203): needless to say I left" "(340): just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?" .....I'm already hooked |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:41pm - oscarct ""] (925): i think i just met the girl of my dreams. someone made a serious statement about rape and she said "pish posh, i love surprise sex" |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:44pm - RustyPS ""] (914): I faked an abortion last night. ....stunning |
| _______________________________ [May 12,2009 3:44pm - Murph ""] (949): Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth? (619): hahahahahahahahahahaha That has been my favorite post on there, ever. WHERE DO BABBY COM FRUM? |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:53pm - RustyPS ""] (630): My bed smells like naked (414): Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes this site is gold...thank you oscar |
| ___________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:55pm - dreadkill ""] pish posh |
| ______________________________________ [May 12,2009 3:58pm - joeyumbrella ""] (850): come over anyways, right now, right this second (850): it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying (561): wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 4:03pm - RustyPS ""] (818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong... (714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week? (818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it |
| _______________________________ [May 12,2009 4:03pm - Murph ""] (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom an oldie, but goodie. I fear this site might start to suck because of how popular it's become recently (and usually those who catch on late are the people who make things once cool start to blow) but there is hope in the fact that booze and life's inherent awkwardness continually provide fodder for ridiculous conversation and discourse. |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 4:13pm - RustyPS ""] (484): What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips? (610): Which ones? |
| _________________________________ [May 12,2009 4:17pm - RustyPS ""] (434): There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically. WE'RE NOT WORTHY |
| ______________________________ [May 12,2009 4:36pm - guy ""] (519): dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto. and (519): dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto. lulz!! |
| ___________________________________ [May 12,2009 7:29pm - demondave ""] (845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred. |
| ______________________________________ [May 12,2009 8:24pm - the_reverend ""] it's impossible that I don't have at least a couple texts on this site. some of my txt are the stuff of legends. |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 7:50am - oscarct ""] the_reverend said:some of my txt are the stuff of legends. not true unless on this site |
| ______________________________________ [May 13,2009 8:00am - goatcatalyst ""] This is golden and beautiful. Thank you, Oscar. |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 8:21am - RustyPS ""] (954): You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom? (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room |
| ____________________________________________ [May 13,2009 10:07am - FuckIsMySignature ""] this is amazing |
| ____________________________________________ [May 13,2009 10:11am - FuckIsMySignature ""] "After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background? " |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 1:23pm - oscarct ""] (312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies (815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more. |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 1:49pm - RustyPS ""] (248): wat u doin (1-248): Its 3:34 AM, what do you think I'm doing? SLEEPING. what are YOU doing is the question.. (248): Oh tight im jus chillin, how u been (1-248): I'm going to save you some time, I'm not coming over to engage in high risk sex with you. (248): Oh its like that? (248): hater |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 1:58pm - RustyPS ""] (248): Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up? (312): It's worth it. (248): How worth it? (312): Back door worth it ....wow this site is hours of entertainment |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 2:23pm - oscarct ""] (636): I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani |
| _________________________________ [May 13,2009 4:02pm - RustyPS ""] (919): Well douche your snatch and let's go! |
| ___________________________________________ [May 14,2009 12:13am - douchebag_patrol ""] (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. |
| ___________________________________________ [May 14,2009 12:13am - douchebag_patrol ""] (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room |
| _________________________________ [May 14,2009 7:44am - oscarct ""] (443): they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field" |
| _________________________________ [May 14,2009 7:46am - oscarct ""] (323): Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though. (562): The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt (323): fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me |
| ______________________________ [May 14,2009 8:03am - Yeti ""] (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. hahahahahaha |
| _________________________________ [May 14,2009 8:22am - RustyPS ""] (413): Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative.. |
| _____________________________________________ [May 14,2009 8:30am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] If only I still had the text from Dave Maggot that read, "I think I'm going to stop drinking. Keep this between you and me...I shit in my hamper last night." |
| _________________________________ [May 14,2009 8:33am - RustyPS ""] (206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe. |
| _________________________________ [May 14,2009 8:34am - RustyPS ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:If only I still had the text from Dave Maggot that read, "I think I'm going to stop drinking. Keep this between you and me...I shit in my hamper last night." HAHAH!!! oh Dave |
| _________________________________________ [May 14,2009 10:24am - DestroyYouAlot ""] lol @ (845): I feel like our house is getting pulled over. |
| _________________________________________ [May 14,2009 10:24am - DestroyYouAlot ""] (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 |
| _________________________________________ [May 14,2009 10:25am - DestroyYouAlot ""] (224): Awesome. Ask her out. (815): Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her. SHEER BRILLIANCE |
| __________________________________ [May 14,2009 11:59am - RustyPS ""] (903): I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion. absolutely amazing |
| _________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:02pm - oscarct ""] (604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. |
| ______________________________ [May 15,2009 1:23pm - Yeti ""] (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. |
| ______________________________ [May 15,2009 1:23pm - Yeti ""] (312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon! |
| _________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:32pm - RustyPS ""] (203): How did you manage that? (860): Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis (203): lol... jersey girls rock |
| _________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:36pm - RustyPS ""] (403): she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that. |
| ______________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:44pm - the_reverend ""] (402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card. |
| _____________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:47pm - xanonymousx ""] is the (#) the area code? |
| ______________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:55pm - the_reverend ""] if you went to that site you would know. |
| ______________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:56pm - the_reverend ""] "(540): Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting. " - Rich Horror |
| ______________________________________ [May 15,2009 1:57pm - the_reverend ""] "(203): i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA" - Josh Martin on tour |
| ______________________________ [May 15,2009 3:31pm - Yeti ""] (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. brutal. |
| _________________________________ [May 15,2009 3:38pm - oscarct ""] xanonymousx said:is the (#) the area code? yep |
| _________________________________ [May 15,2009 3:56pm - RustyPS ""] (770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex (404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut (770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea |
| _________________________________ [May 18,2009 3:10pm - RustyPS ""] (267): worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram ..........so sick |
| _____________________________________ [May 18,2009 3:22pm - Sacreligion ""] (949): either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating |
| ______________________________ [May 18,2009 3:25pm - Yeti ""] 469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them hahahahahaha |
| ______________________________________ [May 18,2009 4:22pm - the_reverend ""] (850): I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life. (1-850): Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say. |
| _________________________________ [May 18,2009 7:44pm - RustyPS ""] (404): I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period TFLN: effecting lives |
| ______________________________________ [May 18,2009 7:53pm - the_reverend ""] (209): yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room. |
| ______________________________________ [May 18,2009 7:54pm - the_reverend ""] (910): He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj (910): I think that's fair trade off |
| _________________________________ [May 18,2009 8:26pm - RustyPS ""] (770): cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton (1-770): i said paris hilton (770): thats even worse |
| _____________________________________ [May 19,2009 2:08pm - Melba_Toast ""] Reminds me of http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/ |
| ______________________________________ [May 20,2009 1:22am - the_reverend ""] (925): is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong? I met up with a little girl I babysat who became a stripper. that was weird. |
| __________________________________ [May 20,2009 10:35am - RustyPS ""] (407): So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch. (352): WHAT?! (407): He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking. |
| _______________________________________ [May 20,2009 10:42am - the_reverend ""] the sight hasn't been loading for me all morning. |
| ______________________________________ [May 21,2009 9:44am - the_reverend ""] (402): So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me. (1-402): Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it? (402): Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point. |
| _________________________________ [May 21,2009 3:57pm - RustyPS ""] (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." |
| ______________________________________ [May 25,2009 9:43pm - the_reverend ""] (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. |
| ___________________________________________ [May 25,2009 9:57pm - HowToCatchShadows ""] (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. shit, that's totally happened to me |
| __________________________________ [May 26,2009 12:35pm - RustyPS ""] (757): he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark. |
| __________________________________ [May 26,2009 12:36pm - RustyPS ""] the hits just keep on coming: (210): i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it (312): Is it possible to jerk off a nipple? (937): I'll bet she douches with gravy. (303): erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on |
| ___________________________________ [May 26,2009 12:59pm - c.DEad" ""] "(443): My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT " Awesome. |
| _______________________________________ [May 28,2009 12:07pm - the_reverend ""] (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo |
| ______________________________ [May 28,2009 1:00pm - Yeti ""] (403): found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun. |
| _________________________________ [May 28,2009 5:55pm - sxealex ""] the_reverend said:(978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo lol was just about to paste this then looked up |
| ______________________________ [May 28,2009 7:39pm - Lamp ""] Yeti said:(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. hahahahahaha Hahahaha, this is the area code I live in now. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 5,2009 4:44am - douchebag_patrol ""] (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 5,2009 4:47am - douchebag_patrol ""] (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 5,2009 4:49am - douchebag_patrol ""] (585): Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick |
| _________________________________ [Jun 5,2009 11:26am - RustyPS ""] (615): everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent |
| ________________________________ [Jun 5,2009 4:22pm - RustyPS ""] (315): I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob (203): For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho unbelievable |
| ________________________________ [Jun 5,2009 4:24pm - RustyPS ""] (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. WINNER |
| ______________________________ [Jun 8,2009 10:37am - Yeti ""] (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. |
| _________________________________ [Jun 9,2009 10:23am - RustyPS ""] (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 24,2009 9:22pm - the_reverend ""] (212): i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 24,2009 9:24pm - the_reverend ""] (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore |
| ______________________________________ [Jul 13,2009 7:05pm - the_reverend ""] (303): i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass |
| ______________________________________ [Jul 13,2009 7:08pm - the_reverend ""] (405): Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore |
| ______________________________________ [Jul 13,2009 7:12pm - the_reverend ""] (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper |
| ______________________________________ [Jul 13,2009 7:18pm - the_reverend ""] (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you |
| ______________________________________ [Jul 13,2009 7:55pm - the_reverend ""] (501): I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay (602): I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay" |
| ______________________________________ [Jul 24,2009 1:46pm - the_reverend ""] (334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. |
| _________________________________ [Aug 14,2009 3:46pm - oscarct ""] (585): broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me. (716): you're writing country songs now? |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 15,2009 1:43pm - secthammer ""] (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" THE CIRCLE OF LIFE OR YOU'RE A FAGGOT |
| ______________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 3:54pm - the_reverend ""] (949): It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 4:06pm - The_Rooster ""] (905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped. |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 4:08pm - The_Rooster ""] (256): I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 4:11pm - The_Rooster ""] (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests HAHAHAHAHAHA |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 4:28pm - The_Rooster ""] (941): Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits? (1-941): Wow! You need to get laid. This site is pure fucking gold. Pissing myself over here. |
| _____________________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 4:39pm - dontlivefastjustdie ""] (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 4:40pm - The_Rooster ""] (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. |
| _____________________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 5:04pm - dontlivefastjustdie ""] (516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style. |
| _________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 6:17pm - oscarct ""] dontlivefastjustdie said:(813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." haha |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 26,2009 7:33pm - TRUCK_BALLS ""] [img] facialabuse.com |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 11:24am - the_reverend ""] (262): foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes. |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 11:40am - SkinSandwich ""] (404): I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today . (305): She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back. |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 11:41am - the_reverend ""] (443): Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you. |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 11:46am - SkinSandwich ""] (503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on (417): He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets. (417): He's like the Bob Ross of love stains. HAHA!! |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 11:51am - SkinSandwich ""] (206): On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on... (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september. (1-817): We're no longer friends. |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 12:38pm - SkinSandwich ""] Haha, I am addicted to this site now. The best ones are in the "Worst nights" section. (305): considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it? |
| ______________________________________ [Aug 28,2009 2:21pm - SkinSandwich ""] i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow |
| __________________________________ [Sep 29,2009 2:47pm - BrianDBB ""] (858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. |
| _________________________________ [Nov 12,2009 8:18pm - RustyPS ""] just saw two absolute gems: "(732): he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant." "(317): he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it"." |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 9:10am - the_reverend ""] http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/03/17/text...s.from.last.night/index.html?hpt=C2 |
| _________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 9:29am - RustyPS ""] a TV show? how would that work? |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 9:29am - the_reverend ""] RustyPS said:617: a TV show? how would that work? plan b |
| _________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 9:33am - RustyPS ""] WRONG AREA CODE ASSHOLE |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 9:40am - the_reverend ""] the_reverend said: RustyPS said:JoblessInSeatle: a TV show? how would that work? plan b |
| _________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 9:43am - RustyPS ""] that's better |
| __________________________________________ [Mar 18,2010 10:17am - Vagoo Vikernes ""] http://www.ratemydowns.com/ |