best cyber sex (may be a repost)[views:5599][posts:20]___________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 6:57pm - dreadkill ""] this might be a repost, but since the search function is disabled, i can't really check. my friend sent me this link and i thought it was hilarious. check it out. http://www.chrudat.com/the_best_cyber_sex.html bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you. j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go. j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass. j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious. bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. j_gurli3: thats it. bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn. bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 6:57pm - pam nli ""] YES bloodninja owns!! |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 7:25pm - dwellingsickness ""] This one is so much better.................................... bloodninja: Wanna cyber? Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables? bloodninja: What like gardening an shit? Katie_007: Yeah, something like that. bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out: bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause) Katie_007: is that it? bloodninja: You water your tomato patch. bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce? Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me? (pause) bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily. bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains. Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis. bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots. bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT. Katie_007: ... bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love. Katie_007: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here. bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch. Katie_007: whatever. Hahah , the kid is a freak |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 7:49pm - Notorious_D.U.G. ""] I actually LOL'd. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 8:17pm - CZ NLI ""] this ones the best sweet17: Hi bloodninja: hello bloodninja: who is this? sweet17: just a someone? bloodninja: A someone I know? sweet17: nope bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me? sweet17: well sorrrrrry sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you bloodninja: why? sweet17: nevermind your an jerk bloodninja: Hey wait a minute sweet17: yes? bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid sweet17: paranoid? bloodninja: yes sweet17: of what? sweet17: me? bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding. sweet17: LOL bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me! bloodninja: This shit is serious! sweet17: What are you hiding from? bloodninja: The cops. sweet17: gimme a fucking break bloodninja: I'm serious. sweet17: I don't get it bloodninja: The cops are after me. sweet17: For what? bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states sweet17: For??? bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing. bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey. bloodninja: Hello? sweet17: You are fucking sick. bloodninja: Send me your picture. sweet17: why? bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them. sweet17: One of what? bloodninja: The cops. sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you bloodninja: Then send me your picture. sweet17: hold on bloodninja: Hurry up. bloodninja: Are you there? bloodninja: fuck you, cop! sweet17: Hey sorry sweet17: I had to do something for my mom. bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me. bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities. bloodninja: Weren't you!? sweet17: thats not it bloodninja: Then what? sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty bloodninja: Most cops aren't sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT! bloodninja: Then send me the picture. sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail? bloodninja: Just send it through here. sweet17: alright *PIC* sweet17: Did you get it? bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking. sweet17: That was me back in may sweet17: I've lost weight since then. bloodninja: I hope so sweet17: what?!? sweet17: that hurt my feelings. bloodninja: Did it? sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now. bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture? sweet17: yes bloodninja: Alright let me find it. sweet17: kks bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC* sweet17: this isn't you. bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't! sweet17: You don't look like that. bloodninja: How the hell do you know? sweet17: cause your profile has another picture. bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake. bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops. sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries. sweet17: Go fuck yourself bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week. sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture. sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me. sweet17: you hurt me. bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me? sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me! bloodninja: Why would I do that? sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap.. sweet17: FUCK YOU!!! bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs. sweet17: You're a fucking wanker! sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry. sweet17: No you aren't bloodninja: You're right. I'm not. bloodninja: HAARRRRR! sweet17: I'm done with you bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry. sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore bloodninja: Wait a sec bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot. bloodninja: Wanna start over? sweet17: No bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty sweet17: You'll what? bloodninja: You heard me. bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty. sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty? sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men. bloodninja: I get excited in different ways. sweet17: Like what? bloodninja: Do you really wanna know? sweet17: I don't know bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no. sweet17: I'm afraid to bloodninja: Why? sweet17: cause bloodninja: cause why? sweet17: well lets see sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you? bloodninja: Nope sweet17: well its strange to me bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to sweet17: I didn't say that bloodninja: So is that a yes? sweet17: I guess so. bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though. bloodninja: Are you willing? sweet17: What do you need me to do? bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate. sweet17: ??? bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!" bloodninja: ok? bloodninja: Hello? sweet17: You can't be serious bloodninja: Oh yes I am! bloodninja: It's my fantasy. sweet17: this is retarded bloodninja: Do you want it or not? sweet17: Yes I want it. bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me? sweet17: sure bloodninja: Ok. Here we go. bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs. bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty. bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt. sweet17: mmmm yeah bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp. sweet17: Har bloodninja: You gotta do better than that! bloodninja: Your picture was really bad. sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke. bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth. bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose. bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity. sweet17: mmmmmm you are good bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder bloodninja: going limp sweet17: HARRRRRRR bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands. bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth. bloodninja: going limp sweet17: this is stupid bloodninja: ...still limp bloodninja: Do it! sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole. bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass. bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass. sweet17: WTF?!?!? bloodninja: They stink really bad. sweet17: OMG STOP!!! bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg. bloodninja: I ram it up your ass. sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!! bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head. bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple... bloodninja: I kick you in the face! sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!! bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin... bloodninja: Your parrot flys away. bloodninja: ...going limp again. bloodninja: Hello? bloodninja: Say it! bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!! |
| __________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 9:58pm - brian_dc ""] oh wow...this is too much |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 10:00pm - brian_dc ""] bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit. bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. bloodninja: Baby? BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready? eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready. BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee. eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies. BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you. BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique. eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again. eminemBNJA: Oh shit BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up. eminemBNJA: Oh shit eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 10:06pm - KeithMutiny ""] holy shit, i just almost pissed myself |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 10:17pm - contagion ""] that guy rules |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 10:47pm - tedonegoodfuck ""] this is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2006 11:31pm - babaganoosh3 ""] Go to the site and read the one between Sweetheart and Wellhung. I'm dying reading it. "Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!" |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 12:19am - dreadkill ""] i vaguely remember hearing about this guy quite a while ago, but i had never seen the site until yesterday. apparently, it's pretty old, but since it's new to me, i have been laughing my ass off about it. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 12:21am - dreadkill ""] i like the pirate one alot and the one when he uses the wizard hat and robe line again and the girl gets pissed. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 1:00am - davefromthegrave ""] I love that guy |
| __________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 6:30am - Sinistas ""] HARRRRRR |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 7:23am - scoracrasia ""] Just a sample of one knocking on an albino, haha! Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass. cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!** VictimX_27: Never talk to me again! cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color VictimX_27: FUCK YOUUUU cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut! |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 10:39am - dreadkill ""] cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back |
| __________________________________ [Jan 27,2006 11:03am - soloman ""] ha ha yeah these are a good time. |
| ____________________________________________________ [Oct 3,2007 10:47am - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] brian_dc said:bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit. bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. bloodninja: Baby? BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready? eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready. BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee. eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies. BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you. BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique. eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again. eminemBNJA: Oh shit BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up. eminemBNJA: Oh shit eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something [img] |
| __________________________________ [Oct 3,2007 10:50am - sinistas ""] lawl |
| _______________________________________ [Oct 3,2007 5:48pm - My_Dying_Bride ""] Bloodninja: Wanna cyber? DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-) DirtyKate: Who are you? Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm. DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car.. Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order DirtyKate: Haha! OK DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce. Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want? DirtyKate: I want everything, baby! Bloodninja: Is this a delivery? DirtyKate: Umm...Yes DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower... Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house. **pause** DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up! Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza. |