Regrettable bangs?[views:71623][posts:338]____________________________________________ [Jun 30,2008 3:57am - TheFilthyFrenchman ""] we need to set up a show and only allow fat chicks in. maybe if we set it up at an old country buffet we could get a decent draw. plus it wouldn't take that many of them to look like a full show. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 30,2008 3:59am - RichHorror ""] I would beat the FUCK out of any slags that even THOUGHT about getting near my chicken fried steak. |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 30,2008 6:10am - I'm a girl ""] I was going down on this guy and moved down to lick his balls. When I got closer to his balls I noticed a shitty smell. I was like WTF? Something smelled like shit. I looked around for a while to figure out where the smell was coming from and then I saw it. He had dingleberries. On his nut sack. BJ was over. GTFO! Seriously dude. Learn how to wipe next time. |
| ________________________________________ [Jul 1,2008 9:45pm - pleasurecorpse ""] ~carina~ said:what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... ugh, you're quite the hypocrite! You were SO 'offended' by the comment made about hating women - to then turn around blatantly call a chick a fatty ... wow. Did you just NEED an apology because you felt like the comment was directly insulting you or are you just an attention seeking whore like the rest? |
| ____________________________________ [Jul 2,2008 12:36am - NoodleFace ""] None of my stories are quite as comical as all of these. The only regrettable one was my first girlfriend that I banged. Even though we were both 18, it just sucked rotten ass. I was just railing her, but she wouldn't move at all. I tried to change positions but she flat out refused. It took me 1 hour to finish the job... 1 fucking hour, pun intended. Last time I saw her she ballooned up like a goddamn whale and was in a clinic for trying to kill herself. |
| ________________________________________ [Jul 2,2008 12:38am - craigforacurse ""] kelly said:drinking + Quensryche don't mix! thats a whorish lie sullivan! blasphemer! |
| ____________________________ [Jul 2,2008 9:33am - mOe ""] pleasurecorpse said: ~carina~ said:what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... ugh, you're quite the hypocrite! You were SO 'offended' by the comment made about hating women - to then turn around blatantly call a chick a fatty ... wow. Did you just NEED an apology because you felt like the comment was directly insulting you or are you just an attention seeking whore like the rest? beat it, man |
| ___________________________________ [Jul 2,2008 9:37am - DYA / NLI ""] mOe said: pleasurecorpse said: ~carina~ said:what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... ugh, you're quite the hypocrite! You were SO 'offended' by the comment made about hating women - to then turn around blatantly call a chick a fatty ... wow. Did you just NEED an apology because you felt like the comment was directly insulting you or are you just an attention seeking whore like the rest? beat it, man [1st Verse] They Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here Don't Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear The Fire's In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear So Beat It, Just Beat It [2nd Verse] You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can Don't Wanna See No Blood, Don't Be A Macho Man You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It [3rd Verse] They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, Just Beat It [4th Verse] You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You, Then They'll Tell You It's Fair So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It [Chorus] Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Who's Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Beat It, Beat It, Beat It |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 1:58am - RichHorror ""] Legendary thread. |
| _____________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 7:50am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] Hahahahahahahahaha, Phil, that last story has me crying! |
| __________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 10:28am - Conservationist ""] NoodleFace said:None of my stories are quite as comical as all of these. The only regrettable one was my first girlfriend that I banged. Even though we were both 18, it just sucked rotten ass. I was just railing her, but she wouldn't move at all. I tried to change positions but she flat out refused. It took me 1 hour to finish the job... 1 fucking hour, pun intended. Last time I saw her she ballooned up like a goddamn whale and was in a clinic for trying to kill herself. Attention ladies: If you know what your dad's/uncle's penis tastes like, you will end up like this. Seek help before you become sexually active. |
| ___________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 10:29am - brian_dc ""] I regret nothing |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 2:16pm - Aegathis ""] oh man, mark that hand job story was great, you left out what she looked like though in that original post so i got left with the assumption that you were running away from a handjob hottie. That made it a little more disturbing to me. |
| ___________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 2:22pm - dreadkill ""] phil's story is hilarious |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 3:10pm - Aegathis ""] I can think of one sorta regrettable encounter while i was on the european tour i did in the fall. Regrettable in the sense that it isnt really a wise decision to go to any ones house by yourself with people you just met and I knew this then just as much as I do now.... After we played in London we were told the bus call was gonna be 6 am, which means the bus leaves with or with out you. A bunch of us went to some club up the street from the venue which was full of people from the show. Me and the Grave guitarist started talking to these two fine young gals outside while were having a cigarrette. It was pretty obvious that one was a little more interested in me than the other after 10 mins, so i told her i was from the US playin in a band, and then listened to what ever she had to say for the next ten minutes till she said "lets get outa here, get a drink or something." I had to explain to her that I didnt have any money cause we didnt have time to change currencies that day, and I had to be back before 6 am. She kept ensuring me not to worry. We went back to her house via the local bus, which took quite a while, and considering where I was and how much i knew about London I started to worry more and more about getting back to the bus on time. We finally get to her house, rip off our clothes and what ensued for the next couple hours was enough to make me stop worrying about getting back to the tour bus for a little while. She walked me back to the "trolley" afterwards, halfway there i realize i forget my backstage pass for the tour at her house and started flippin out even more. I swear every girl wants to steal these things from ya, and this girl almost got away with it. I went back , got it, kissed her good buy got on the trolley and thankfully made it back with like not even ten minutes to spare. So yea the bangin part wasnt soo regrettable, minus all the teeth marks, giving her my phone number wasnt soo smart though as she has called me a few times since then. I am also not really the biggest fan of the brittish accent, especially on girls that have nothing but pointless annoying shit to talk about. And I felt bad about takin off with out really letting everyone knowing what i was doing, with the possibility of not makin it back on time. But in the end everything luckily worked out for everyone. |
| ______________________________ [Dec 23,2008 3:31pm - Yeti ""] that is quite an adventure. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:02pm - the_reverend ""] http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/06/27/104-girls-with-bangs/ anthony fucked monty python and her flying circus. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:03pm - RichHorror ""] The greatness of this thread made me realize how much the board sucks now. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:17pm - Aegathis ""] I just found this one last night when i when I was baked out of my skull. I couldnt stop laughing when i got to the part about Rich throwing the towel at the girls head. Phils adventure was quite entertaining as well. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:18pm - the_reverend ""] RichHorror said:The greatness of this thread made me realize how much the board sucks now. :~( get them back! |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:24pm - brian_dc ""] board complains about board being better in the past internet weeps |
| ________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 5:20pm - AndrewBastard ""] Anthony, what was her name? I nailed 2 different metal broads from London while over there one summer for fests. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 7:28pm - Aegathis ""] AndrewBastard said:Anthony, what was her name? I nailed 2 different metal broads from London while over there one summer for fests. She wasnt into Metal, just some girl random girl i met at the bar we went to while she was out with her friends. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 8:40pm - quintessence ""] Once at this party. I hooked up with some 20 year old college chick who was sort of into metal. Complete butterface, but I was really drunk....Anyway, bitch has her bottom lip pierced and she was TERRIBLE at giving head. Like I couldnt even stay hard because the metal on the inside of her bottom lip was scraping my dick like a rusty straight razor. Next thing I know she tries to stick her fingers in my ass. Like thats the key right there. That will fix everything. I don't think so..... Needless to say. I was like "Ok, its not gonna happen tonight , sorry I'm too drunk" I was almost bleeding and the next morning it hurt to touch it.....If I wasn't so drunk I probably wouldn't of ever gotten into that "regregful blowjob" situation. I was ready to do more, but that just killed it. Ugh... Great thread btw. I missed most of it the first time around. I was laughing out loud at 3am reading Rich's story. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 8:46pm - RichHorror ""] haha 'Sorry I'm too drunk' is my go-to move. I've used that while having a full erection, even. Rules. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 8:50pm - Dankill ""] God, I missed this thread. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 9:00pm - hyper_sludge ""] i fucked a bitch one night that was bigger than an industrial refrigerator. she kept on bumping into the one i had and she was moving it without effort. i didn't give a shit, she was the only female and i was getting my dinky stinky. i bring her up to my room, she flops on my bed, breaking it instantly, i hop on her and take off her pants, the smell that invaded my nostrils caused me to gag, but i held it down. i stuck my dick in her and touched her leg and i had a moment of clarity, she told me to kiss her, so i took my dick out, sat on her chest and fucked her mouth until i came, told her to get out of my house and never come back. she wound up sleeping outside with no pants on and wanted me to walk her to the bus stop in the morning. i pointed her in the wrong direction, opened another bottle of jack and drank away the memories. until now. |
| _____________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 9:43pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] hyper_sludge said:i fucked a bitch one night that was bigger than an industrial refrigerator. she kept on bumping into the one i had and she was moving it without effort. i didn't give a shit, she was the only female and i was getting my dinky stinky. i bring her up to my room, she flops on my bed, breaking it instantly, i hop on her and take off her pants, the smell that invaded my nostrils caused me to gag, but i held it down. i stuck my dick in her and touched her leg and i had a moment of clarity, she told me to kiss her, so i took my dick out, sat on her chest and fucked her mouth until i came, told her to get out of my house and never come back. she wound up sleeping outside with no pants on and wanted me to walk her to the bus stop in the morning. i pointed her in the wrong direction, opened another bottle of jack and drank away the memories. until now. Oooooh, so that's how you kiss a girl. |
| _________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 9:48pm - Conservationist ""] http://1man1jar.com/ |
| _______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 11:54pm - hyper_sludge ""] MarkFuckingRichards said: hyper_sludge said:i fucked a bitch one night that was bigger than an industrial refrigerator. she kept on bumping into the one i had and she was moving it without effort. i didn't give a shit, she was the only female and i was getting my dinky stinky. i bring her up to my room, she flops on my bed, breaking it instantly, i hop on her and take off her pants, the smell that invaded my nostrils caused me to gag, but i held it down. i stuck my dick in her and touched her leg and i had a moment of clarity, she told me to kiss her, so i took my dick out, sat on her chest and fucked her mouth until i came, told her to get out of my house and never come back. she wound up sleeping outside with no pants on and wanted me to walk her to the bus stop in the morning. i pointed her in the wrong direction, opened another bottle of jack and drank away the memories. until now. Oooooh, so that's how you kiss a girl. I wasn't putting my mouth on that thing, no way. Sitting on her was like sitting on a goddamn water bed. She must've had 300 pounds on me. |
| ___________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 5:21pm - Mr Crabs ""] IvoryAndSteel was a regrettable fist. Cottage cheese galoreeeeeeeeee!!!!! |
| _________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 5:41pm - brodown ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:haha goddamn. two things that should make every man wince in pain are hearing about/seeing someone get kicked in the balls or bending a hard-on. this wasn't regrettable by any means, but fucking scared me shitless... i decided to try trojan supras, the polyeurithane (sp?) ones because i was told it doesn't feel like you even have a condom on. as i was finishing i said, "damn, these really do make it feel like there's no condom." when i pulled out to clean up, the condom was torn to fucking shreds. the only part left on me was the ring with a few little shreds hanging off. i think i stood there for 5 minutes in complete awe. my girlfriend just laughed uncontrollably because she wanted to believe it was a joke. thank fucking god there was no pregnancy. after that, and getting the circulation cut off by regular condoms i just decided to go old school. pulling out is the only way to go. Super old thread is hilarious, and this exact thing happened to me 2 days ago. Morning after pill FTW |
| ____________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 5:43pm - RichHorror ""] This thread is still my greatest invention, two years later. |
| ____________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 6:01pm - narkywork ""] The most legendary thread on this board |
| _____________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 6:31pm - Dave_Maggot ""] replace the world regrettable with hilarious and that sums up 90% of my sex life |
| __________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:23pm - sinistas ""] TheFilthyFrenchman said:I managed to bang a thick heifer on our recent tour. So we played a house party in Richmond Va, and somebody had set up a crocodile mile. I watched as several chicks ran down it, and then noticed this land beast preparing to take the plunge. She worked up a good amount of momentum and her fat roles took on a life of their own. She hit the crocodile mile at a slightly wrong angle and began to drift. As she hit the dirt her titty popped out and she rolled on the ground. I decided right there that I had to bang her. The night progressed and after a little corn whiskey and watching her deep throat our water gun penis from dave’s pants, I convinced her to let me sleep in her room. I jump into her bed in my underwear, but her equally fat necked friend won’t get the fuck out. I entertain the idea of a threesome (which would have looked funny as hell seeing as they had me by about 300 lbs), but I didn’t want to get a broken bone on tour so I waited till her friend left. So I start to bang her and everything is going hilariously as planned. Let me say for the record that fat chicks have remarkable pussies as they don’t see sunlight all that often. Her titties and butthole were under a constant barrage of slaps and thumbs, and I couldn’t believe that I had never gone hoggin before. At some point around 4 am she makes me stop so she can go get a glass of water. She takes fucking forever and then comes back up eating not one, but two hot dogs. The utter lack of shame in that room was mind blowing. She finished one and a half, and then put the remaining half on her night stand remarking “Ill keep this one for later”. I’ve never been more aroused. I jump back on the baconator but she makes me stop again, citing some bullshit about a job. I decide the only thing left to do is to stand up on her bed and blow a load all over her side, which I did receiving only mild protest. When I saw her the next morning sobered up, I wanted to give myself a good old fashioned event horizon eye gouging. I wouldn’t say I regret it, but I can only thank Natural Ice for guiding me through my darkest hours. You're a legend, sir. |
| ______________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:28pm - the_reverend ""] his nipples is legend. |
| _________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:39pm - MikeOv ""] "The streams almost cross! Look out!!" Holy shit, that's hero status. |
| ______________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:39pm - swamplorddvm ""] Yes. One. |